what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
