Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
