Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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