can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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