Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
