Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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