Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was born a porn star she said
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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