just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
