I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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