how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
