My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
