So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
