What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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