forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
