guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize