My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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