seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
