Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
