you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
