you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
