She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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