I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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