You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
