My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
