i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
