I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
