I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
