found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize