But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
