: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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