Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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