Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
