I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
