i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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