I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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