is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
