call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is my gift to your gina
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
