Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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