Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
