i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
