I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sobbing to NWA
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
