Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
