I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
