Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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