life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
