Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
