i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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