Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
