I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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