Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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