well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize