That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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