No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
