Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
