New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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