Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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