I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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