Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize