if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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