I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
