You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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