Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
