We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
