I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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