Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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