Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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