i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
