I just saw a hot homeless man
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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