It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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