Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has the fingertips of a God
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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