she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
