You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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