you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
