This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize