My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
