Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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