Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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