I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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