You can't motorboat a personality
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
