when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
