I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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