Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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