I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
