i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
