end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
