I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
