i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
