The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
