So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
