I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
