my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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