Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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