Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
