your thong is hanging out like whoa
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
