so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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