He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize