I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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