just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
