Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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